College football is amazing. More often than not, the full gauntlet of human emotion is experienced within a few short hours. From hope and excitement to reality and despair. From shocking upsets to soul-crushing defeats. And game threads capture all of it.
I wade through the joy, depravity, excitement, and sorrow that are game threads for the matchup of the week, and select the best comments to tell the story of the game. Grab some popcorn, and enjoy.
Football is back, and so it “As Told By The Fans”! Of course for the first edition of the season we have to look no further than last night’s upset. Here’s a recap of the Horn’s defeat of the Irish like no other, because it’s told by Notre Dame fans. Enjoy the hot takes and misery. Lots and lots of misery.
Here’s the best from One Foot Down:
My Fitbit said I walked 3000 feet yesterday which made me realize, I need to move my TV closer to the kitchen. Go Irish! Beat the Longhorns!
Got so drunk last night with some Notre Dame fans that I pulled my clothes out of my suitcase and pissed on them.
You pissed on your own clothes? Dear god man…
I’m sure it made sense at the time
Game Day. Let’s do it IRISH.
After watching the games yesterday, it has made me extremely excited about this year. Teams we play were 10-1 on opening weekend (minus Texas, obv) with the only loss being a stomping and demoralizing defeat to the number 1 team in the nation. If we are anywhere near as good as what we think, this schedule could set up really good.
I am ready for some football
Texas starting the rook.
Looks like he got… One foot down.
Way to start it
This is how you start a football game!
Not a way to start defensively.
Someone should tell the defense the game has started.
I hate this fast tempo.
Rippin’ ’em to shreds
Still no answer for tempo teams.
We have an answer, it’s “No.”
That’s a TD.
Okay, going to be a shootout.
We are gonna have to hang 50 on UT today.
The kid is accurate
Our safeties have to get over and help on the outside.
Somehow I knew we’d go 3 and out.
Can’t be having many 3 and outs. Not with this defense.
Wow. We got lucky there.
Our safeties are nowhere in the frame.
This defense. (Sigh)
That was Coleman flat out getting beat on speed.
Everything seems rushed. The Texas offense, our defense’s alignment, the sunset- EVERYTHING. Slow down and get off my lawn please.
Good series defense
Their punter is the truth.
Got talent on our defense. [Brian VanGorder] too much in love with his scheme. If this defense doesn’t show a marked improvement in creating turnovers, then BVG needs to be gone.
O-line can still get the first down in short yardage. A good sign.
We need to keep that defense of ours off the field.
Now’d be a good time for a turnover.
Whelp, I’m becoming much less optimistic about the outcome of this game.
Getting killed guys. Damn.
How do you miss that tackle?
[Brian Kelly] is pissed at BVG.
How many 3rd downs did they give up on that drive? 17?
ESPN is really in love with Texas
It’s great TV. Unranked Texas is walking all over #10 ND
Texas with an uptempo offense, KU hangs 55… What the hell is going on in the Big 12?
I thought we were supposed to have some kind of elite OL? Where the **** did that go?
I really don’t give a rat’s ass which QB does it, but someone needs to take over this game on O
The D is the real problem right now
Defense has gotten 3 stops. Why aren’t we putting up points?
Wow. How nice was that? Way to go Irish.
WOW, what a play. Beautiful catch and run. Please leave Kizer in.
That’s the best cartwheel that I’ve seen since Tommy Boy.
Now D needs to get a stop before the half.
Make a play. Horse[poop].
Piss up a rope.
Honestly, I don’t know why we bother putting DBs out there.
Is it too early to start the “overrated” chant?
Three deep balls is the difference
Our CBs are on their own out there. This is scary.
UT is a young team. They think a halftime lead makes them hot [poop] and get complacent.
Well, that could have gone better…
HALFTIME (ND 14 – Texas 21)
Charlie Strong is known for losing the halftime.
Still highly confident
Uh, play some coverage…
Again… Why the **** do we have DBs?
I hate being a Notre Dame fan.
Well, that isn’t exactly how ND needed the second half to start.
Our secondary is trash.
This is no average QB.
Going to be a LONG year at this pace
This season was fun for 5 minutes.
Coleman is lost out there
Are you [pooping] me?
I guess Texas is just… better.
Is it still too early for the “overrated” chant?
OOOOH FIRST DOWN.
Probably time to stick with Kizer
I somehow completely missed them getting a FG. Wow. Disappointed with myself.
This 91-yard drive is gonna be brutal.
PICKED! LIKE A BOOGER FILLED NOSE!
Way to go defense.
God, we needed that.
Come on. You gotta score from the 5.
YAAAAAAAAA RIGHT BACK IN IT BABY.
Don’t call it a comeback
Clearly, the WatchESPN feed is about 2 minutes delayed. Or you guys are all really good at predicting the near future.
It’s a love-heart attack relationship.
Ok defense. Nice.
Thank you, defense.
Nice work D. QB pressure works.
And we still have to 4th Quarter.
The better to widen our margin of victory, so the pollsters who went to bed early will think we actually dominated.
GAH! It was there.
Had it. Ouch.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF THAT WAS CLOSE
Defense is getting stops. We HAVE to cash in
Defense is really fired up right now
There we go. Fire it up
Nice return. Let’s go Irish.
YES YES YES YES YES
How sweet it is
Well… Kizer is a stud.
Young team is showing itself now
They’re definitely flustered.
Get this stop and then put this thing away.
The Texas punter should declare for the NFL as soon as the game is over.
That is some punt. Holy cow
4 minute drive, TD = game over
I’m so nervous the soles of my feet are sweating
Defense. Now is the time.
Whelp, that went poorly.
That’s a less-than-optimal start to the drive.
I hope they leave us some time.
Damn, correct call. Incomplete pass
Why are we challenging that?
Wasted time out
That is an astonishingly bad challenge.
That was terrible, terrible defense
It’s too early in the season for this kind of blood pressure.
HAHA TIE GAME
Wow, what a turnaround
Dang, now Texas has to kickoff 15 yards deep too
YES GIVE US THOSE 15 YARDS
Freaking win this game Notre Dame!
Ugh, terrible return
Need to convert now.
That was atrocious QB play.
HOLY GOD THIS GAME
WTF!!! playing for OT?
Are you kidding me, you going to run a draw on 3rd and 12?
Stupid ******* decisions
Perfect time for a frosh to throw an INT to lose the game
already in FG range. This game is over.
LOL Irish deserve this so bad.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
3rd and 33. Just keep them from getting 20 yards please.
One chance to chuck it deep. We should get it with 10 sec
So, this is football season, eh?
Overtime (ND 37 – Texas 37)
Notre Dame on defense first.
I feel momentum in favor of the Irish
And Texas scores.
If we score I think we should just go for two
Do or die
Well, that was unexpected.
Go for two
2nd Overtime (ND 44 – Texas 44)
No turnovers here. Gotta at least get 3
Hit the FG here, you miss and it’s over.
Lets go YOON
Don’t **** this up
Alright, 3-point lead.
Need a huge stop here.
Jesus… ******* bulldozer.
That’s just pathetic gutless defense
Remember when we stopped the Belldozer. That was fun.
Welp. That was fun while it lasted.
I wonder if our guys even care that we’re not going to the playoff if we lose this game.
Game over… worst defensive effort I’ve ever seen.
**** these refs
**** our defense
You can’t stop a QB draw going right up the middle?
Sad. Just sad.
Well, living on earth was fun. Goodbye everyone.
Also, **** you Brian Kelly
Final (ND 47 – Texas 50)
Great. Have to wait a full year until we are in the running for the playoffs. Wonderful.