Sunday evening, CBS revealed the 68 teams that would be facing off in the annual NCAA “March Madness” tournament. That’s all good and fine. Basketball is good, and I’m sure the tournament will be fun, as it always is. But, what if we told you we could make it even better? What if we could take this massive tournament, and make it about the best sport? Through he magic of Photoshop and whatifsports.com, we can, and boy, it’s a beautiful disaster, just as college football should be.
Before we get into this, I do want to do a quick disclaimer. All games were simulated using whatifsports.com, as a way to simulate some of the randomness of both the tournament, and of college football. Picking the best teams would be too easy, and unrealistic, because the best teams don’t always win in college football.
Some teams were given first round byes, as, for some reason, the committee decided to put a bunch of schools that don’t field a football team into the tournament.
Villanova vs Mount St. Mary’s
Villanova receives a bye.
Wisconsin vs Virginia Tech
This is a really great matchup, and it’s too bad it happened so early on. Wisconsin has Virginia Tech beat on talent alone, but the Hokies reined supreme in the simulation.
Virginia vs UNC Wilmington:
Virginia receives a bye.
Florida vs ETSU:
ETSU? FLORIDA AIN’T PLAYED NOBODY PAWWWWWWWLLLLLL.
SMU vs USC:
This is one of those games where having a tool to simulate the games comes in handy. Because I would’ve picked USC. And apparently, I would’ve been wrong.
Baylor vs New Mexico State:
Baylor might’ve been very bad by the end of the season last year, but at least they aren’t getting kicked out of their own conference.
South Carolina vs Marquette:
The Gamecocks receive a bye.
Duke vs Troy:
An actual football matchup! A bad one, but still, a football matchup, in which both schools have teams! If Duke wins this game, but no one is around to see it, did they really win?
Gonzaga vs SDSU:
South Dakota State receives a bye.
Vanderbilt vs Northwestern:
Winner: Vanderbilt, and Milhouses everywhere.
Notre Dame vs Princeton:
Notre Dame would almost certainly win this game, but, we have to keep in mind that they went 4-8 last season. Sometimes people forget that.
Winner: Notre Dame
West Virginia vs Bucknell:
West Virginia receives a bye.
Maryland vs Xavier:
Maryland receives a bye.
Florida State vs Florida Gulf Coast:
Florida State receives a free bye.
VCU vs Saint Mary’s:
I don’t think either of these schools fields a team, but a ram would be better at football than a gael.
Arizona vs North Dakota:
No, not that North Dakota football team. Arizona receives a bye.
Kansas vs UC Davis:
Kansas receives a bye, though it might decommit a few days from now.
Miami vs Michigan State:
This would be a pretty good game, and despite a down year last year, the simulator favors Michigan State.
Winner: Michigan State.
Iowa State vs Nevada:
Boy, I’m extremely glad I don’t have to watch this game. Iowa State wins, but it wouldn’t be pretty.
Winner: Iowa State.
Purdue vs Vermont:
Purdue receives a bye.
Rhode Island vs Creighton:
Rhode Island receives a bye.
Oregon vs Iona:
Oregon receives a bye, and some bread crumbs.
Michigan vs Oklahoma State: This is one of the best matchups of the whole tournament, and it just had to come in the first round. Sorry Oklahoma State, you ran into the wrong clinically insane football coach. Winner: The Fighting Harbaughs.
Louisville vs Jacksonville State: Louisville receives a bye.
North Carolina vs Texas Southern: North Carolina receives a free bye. Or maybe they just didn’t attend the game.
Arkansas vs Seton Hall: Arkansas finally gets some of that sweet karma to pay off, and receives a bye.
Minnesota vs Middle Tennessee State:
YOU CAN’T STOP THIS BOAT IT’S ALREADY GOING 150 MPH.
Butler vs Winthrop:
Butler receives a bye, somehow.
Cincinnati vs Kansas State:
The only thing that could make Bill Synder’s magic more powerful is a 64 team tournament.
Winner: Kansas State.
UCLA vs Kent State:
Unfortunately, we don’t get the “K” State battle of the century. Maction can’t top Pac-12 after dark.
Dayton vs Wichita State:
I really don’t understand why the NCAA would put two teams that don’t field a team in this football tournament. I’ll give the bye to Dayton, for having cooler colors.
Kentucky vs Northern Kentucky:
Kentucky receives a bye.
Round one is complete. We’ve seen upsets, bangers, and a whole lot of byes. Hopefully some football teams show up for the second round, which is coming this weekend.